Aisle Be Damned (Swaying Hips, Praying Lips and Flying Tips) - Memoirs of an Air Hostess

Introduction

Ever since Orville and Wilbur Wright stopped bemoaning their peculiar names and diverted their energies to propelling a heavier-than-air machine, man has been captivated by flight. There is something innately fascinating about these powerful crafts that take off to the sky to the beat of jet engines.

Add to that the glamour that has usually been associated with flying. Smart pilots and flight attendants strutting through terminals as hundreds of eyes enviously follow them. Wild partying in airport hotels, fueled by topsy-turvy hormones from their incessant crisscrossing of time zones. Well-dressed passengers, free flowing alcohol, fine cuisine, dreamy magazines, exotic destinations - air travel has traditionally come with more than its share of flamboyance, ostentation and romance.

In reality, for most of us, taking a flight means hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror. It starts with a painful drive to the airport and ends with getting fleeced by a crooked cab driver upon landing. And in between, one goes through the sheer drudgery of crowded airports, stiff security, delayed flights, uncomfortable seats, turbulent journeys and lost luggage.

I have probably taken over a thousand flights and the only recurring theme has been that I have hated each one of them. I do not like planes, detest airports and I'm petrified of flying. For someone who considers the London Eye to be as blood-curdling a ride as the nerves can take, blasting through the skies in a metal tube is certainly not my idea of fun. I would much rather take the train, but it is not really professionally appropriate to take some days off each time I travel. So most reluctantly, I go to the airport a few times a week for the dog and pony show of air travel.

This book is the accumulated knowledge of the tens of thousands of hours that I have logged in flights, airports, immigration counters, baggage carousels and the like. Nuggets of wisdom that I hope will maximize your flying experience and help you soar through safer, friendlier and more enjoyable skies.

Happy reading and safe travels.

Contents