Who Am I? (An Enquiry) Based on Discussions on Sri Shankaracharya's Aparokshanubhuti

Pravrajika vivekaprana, is a senior sannyasini of the Sri Sarada Math and the Ramakrishna Sarada Mission Order. She is presently head of the Retreat Centre of the Ramakrishna Sarada Mission at Pangot, district Nainital.

Pravrajika Vivekaprana has been following closely in the footsteps of Swami Vivekananda for 55 years. She has done an in-depth study of Hindu Philosophy in the context of human psychology. Her ability to reach out to her audiences always leaves a lasting impression.

She started traveling overseas in 1989. sharing her thoughts and understanding with a very wide range of listeners. both in terms of age and culture. In 1993. Pravrajika Vivekaprana was invited to speak at the Parliament of Religions in Chicago; exactly 100 years after Swami Vivekananda spoke at the same forum in 1893. and made his first electrifying impact on the West. Between 1989 and 2005 she has delivered lectures in various cities of Europe. South America. and North America.

This is the fifth book in the UnderstandingYedanta Lecture series Continuing with the thoughts discussed in the fourth book, in these articles Pravrajika Vivekaprana shares her in-depth understanding of the underlying psychology of Sri Shankaracharyas AparokshElnubhuti.

Once again we are here to read and discuss the ideas of Sri Shankaracharya.' Why do we get attracted to these ideas? Why do we feel the need to study these ideas? The general concept is that the pressures of life drive us in this direction! But what makes us think that these books give us the answers? Obviously, something tells us that they give us the Truth that we have been searching for.

Something prompts us to search for these ideas, but today, the motivation for understanding them is very weak. The reason being that these ideas are always for individuals, they are not for mass movements.

I have often said these concepts of Vedanta philosophy are not difficult to understand, . though they are very difficult to accept. What is the difference? The logic given in these concepts is simple; it is pure commonsense; yet we resist. Something within us does not want these ideas to penetrate deeper because they challenge and provoke us to look at life from a very different, and apparently difficult and non-emotional point of view.

An Individual Search
This is a path of individual search and that is what we are frightened of. We do not want to be alone. As individuals, we need to reach out to and understand our experiences, which means we cannot do this collectively; we cannot do this in a group or with anyone else. And that is a problem. As it is, everyone is alone, even in daily life. More and more people are feeling lonely, isolated, and unable to communicate. The world around is getting increasingly dangerous and we do not know what will happen next; then to be told that it is essential to walk this path alone, that the answers cannot be found otherwise, brings on an immense responsibility, which we are not prepared for. Life is giving us isolation as it is, And then to be told that this search can only be done alone is like being told that this search can only be done alone is like being told To jump off the chiff

Unfortunately, modern teachers continue to point outside and provide consolation that the answers will come from there. A lot of people then come together and create an atmosphere; an atmosphere especially created by the central figure and he or she gives the freedom to close the chapter of worldly life; people are encouraged to abrogate their responsibility to the central figure and participate in an atmosphere in which they need not feel responsible. In this way people feel free to enjoy something created especially for them without any sense of responsibility. It is easier to forget in a group, and pretend that there is nothing to worry about. But ask anyone what it is that they wish to forget, and they will not even know.

This explains why Vedanta is attractive to far fewer people. But, any other path does not satisfy either. The truth is that if artificial atmospheres are created, they cannot help us to get to the root of the problem. Dissatisfaction continues the moment we get back to facing life. The first step in trying to overcome this sense of dissatisfaction is perhaps to recognize our role in this game of life.